Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Innapropriate syndrome

For some reason I have this sick obsession with making jokes that are super insensitive, always seeing how far I can push the limits while still getting a laugh or in the very least a grin while the person looks down at their feet shaking their heads at the fact that they thought that it was funny. My earliest memory of chasing the shock comments was in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, although I felt for the poor people that couldn't help themselves in that situation, I think the arrogance of building a city below sea level in prime hurricane territory was just begging to be ripped on by some asshole such as myself. There was a plethora of uncalled for comments in the wake of the storm most of which had to be followed with a "too soon?".

Anyways my next idea of something that would have been hilarious was came during baby watch 2006 waiting for Brangelina's little bundle of People magazine revenue. I campaigned openly about how the baby being a stillborn would be the funniest thing that could happen, with the hundreds of photographers all camped out awaiting the birth of the newest most coveted photo, some spokesperson comes down from the house to inform them all their is no baby. The months of "look at how she's dressing maybe she's pregnant" and "mommy to be out on the town" photos all would have culminated into the gossip magazines equivalent of shooting blood and air from your dick after an orgasm.

Next was the death of the affable Steve Irwin aka the crocodile hunter, this was just begging for it. I went all out for this one seeing as it happened somewhat close to Halloween I got super decked out in my Steve Irwin gear blood soaked shirt, blonde wig and crouching for no particular reason all night long.








Although based on those photos I'm not sure what was worse the concept of the costume or the ridiculous amount of man thigh that was exposed.

Anyways some of my other more memorable horrible comments include. Teacher asking if anyone has any other stupid questions to which I reply:"Did Owen Hart just land in the middle of the ring or did he hit the turnbuckle first?"

"How about that awesome 4 person wrestling match this summer you know the one with Chris Benoit v.s. his family... although nobody won which was a bit of a bummer"

along with many others that I am blanking on right now...

anyways I finally have my head back where it should be and am not wasting my days sitting around being a little bitch not writing on here, so that means more terrifying niggers and general useless commentary on life to follow.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Music...

Music is probably the best and worst thing for helping with emotional duress. I've realized that music can have an amazing impact on how you feel, either bringing you out of the dredgs despair or leaving you there to wallow even more. It has the power to evoke some of the strongest memories even of things that we would much rather forget, and yet some others that we would trade anything to be able to relive. The funny thing is when it's going one way you can't get enough music in your life, and when it's going the other way you force yourself into listening to Will Smith because it's the only thing that won't get you fucked up all over again.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Jack Black

I don't even know where to begin with this. Jack Black is a total bum, where large portions of the western world got the idea that this overweight douche fag is funny is beyond me. As a hefty dude myself so maybe as someone who considers himself a fairly funny person I just loathe him for being given a chance and being so useless about it. In all fairness to Jack though I must say that I am only basing my thoughts about him not being funny based on everything that I've ever seen him in. For some reason the world had a collective hard on for School of Rock which unfortunatley breathed a new life into this talentless hack's career. Before this garbage feel good movie came out Jack Black had been relegated to fat guy falling out of windows and walking into stuff minor roles, and even that was too much of him in my opinion at least. But seriously this guy just needs to stop, maybe Ben Stiller will be able to coax a perforrmance out of him that doesn't make me want to vomit in my mouth in that Tropic Thunder movie due out this summer. BUT if he ruins the gem that is based around Robert Downey Jr. in dark face then I may actually kill him.