UPDATE!!

I apologize for the lack of nominess and or other borderline interesting things being posted on here. I've been extremly busy the last little while not only watching the NBA playoffs to scout for terrifying niggers, but also having my salad tossed emotionally, basically going through a bunch of shit I've never felt before and although it wasn't exactly bad, I just wasn't exactly sure what to make of them, hence the awesome analingus reference. So anyways while dealing with all that even though I wanted too there was no way for me to put fingers to the keyboard and type anything of any signifigance or comedic value ect.

But now I am back in form insensitive borderline witty, and writing with a false sense of readership. If you do happen to happen on by, I suggest you check out my last.fm player, as it will learn youy onto what some good tunes are. So summer is around the corner its nice weather to take your pants off outside of the bar and all the other great things that go along with summer. Got some Warped tour action coming up and one of my favourite not so heavy bands JEW also known as Jimmy Eat World, so there will be some hard alcoholism that night followed by some sweet rocking out and then some more dirty alcoholism, but anyways speaking of JEW I'm in the mood for a late night BBQ.

More on the way

Ridiculous

So today I was feeling like I needed to get some content on here just for the sake of not taking a year off again and so on and so forth, yet there was really nothing of any signifgance that I wanted to vent about, and although there is nothing wrong with shit going well in my life, it just doesn't bring out the angry humour in which I pride myself so much in.

So I figured I would search the internet for some inspiration to find something that was either funny itself or instilled a sense of rage in me. I believe I ended up with the first one right now, but the flashback to my youth that it sends me on may end up in a good old angry rant where nobody wins.

Now to avoid starting a third paragraph off with so, I wen't to the lovley website known as youtube, or as that inbred coke fiend George W. Bush calls it, "the youtube". Not really knowing what would inspire me I type in ridiculous into the serach bar and the first thing that comes up is this gem.



Now that video on it's own probably wouldn't do much for most people I know, maybe amusing to some 14 year old, or small dicked scum bags that hit their girlfriends throw all their money into some garbage import car and then get max drunk and wrap it around a tree.

HOWEVER for me it immediatley had alarm bells going off in my mind, because this lame video totally reminded me of what is possibly, ok not even possibly, definitley the greatest commercial in the history of the world. Which you will be able to witness below in all it's glory.



NOW THAT.... is ridiculous. It's also a reminder of simpler times getting up early to watch cartoons and Popular Mechanics for Kids, because even though you were too young to fully realize it, deep down you knew that Elisha Cuthbert was someone that one day you would most definitley want to throw it too. Also you were king shit because you had a Nintendo 64 and no one else did. And although 64 is awesome you weren't as much as a fucking papsmear as this little fuck.




PEACE

Phil's V.I.P. = WTF

So I'm doubting unless I change my name to some celebrity double entendre with different spelling this blog will never really get outside of my circle of people for the most part, but.... just in case I will explain Phil's to those who might be unenlightened, before going onto the plethora of things that is wrong with Phil's having a VIP lounge.

Phil's is the shit, it's a somewhat dirty rather poorly lit, woobly chairs that don't match, peoples name written on the wall basement dive that rules harder than Nebuchanezzer did back in his hey day in Babylon. It's basically a house party in a bar, they've always had the cheapest drinks in the city and it attracts people despite the complete lack of conformity to mainstream music trends. Also it has the dirtiest bathrooms in the world....



In a place where Jager flows like water and you check your ego before you check your coat, there is no reason for there to be a fucking V.I.P. back corner. Anyone who is a pompous enough ass to feel the need to V.I.P. in Kitchener Waterloo to begin with should be shot, maybe in Toronto where the shitty people to club/bar ratio facilitates the need to pay extra to get into a place and get served, the whole V.I.P. thing is somewhat understandable.

Phils is currently home to 2.25 drinks which were at 1.75 before the goverment mandate under section something really fucking gay said that you can't sell alcohol below 2 dollars, without tax. So anyways this awesome price on drinks has been the calling card of Phil's which brings in your hardcore partiers, and so on and so forth, also bringing about a general level of drunkeness that makes sure that anyone who's putting up a facade will see that crumble into a pool of alcohol enduced authenticness. This has led to crowd at the bar made up of generally sweet ass people like myself. There would always be the sprinkling of Paul Bernardo esque characters, or Pauly B's as my friends and I are apt to call them. These class acts had a lightbulb moment, that the drinks being pretty much half the price of anywhere else in town means they could buy a drink and strike out with twice as many girls, greatly increasing their odds of success.

If you're coming to Phil's in the first place you should be of the mental capacity that nobody is a V.I.P. least of all you, for a little perspective on that comment see M(ann)y Leggace post. If you're at Phils you're there because the sweet ass prices allow you to get way more bombed than you should ever get in a bar. And that the lack of attitude and posturing will drastically reduce your chances of having a douche encounter leading to you getting kicked out. If you're coming into this dirty fortress of debauchery you aren't doing it to sit on a leather couch and watch T.V. and check out the dance floor cam to see if it's worth you're oh so precious time to mingle with the commoners. The longest I've had to wait for a drink at Phil's is 5 minutes too so the dedicated waitress thing is hardly that much of an advantage.

In short V.I.P. at Phil's is like having a kid's play area, in the waiting room at an abortion clinic. They just don't go together.

oh and M.L.B's first contribution to the darkness awards are in the works... stay tuned if you're borderline racist or my friend.

My Chemical Romance

These guys need to just stop at life. As far as borderline talented punkesque sissy bands that write decent music go these guys were ok on their first to alubms. Then the fact that a bunch of 15-16 year olds, that wear girls pants regardless of their actual gender, were into them got to their head and they got some fucked up notion that they were serious musicians.

Then as seems to be the trend these days with closet homosexuals in the music industry, such as Mikka, they theived some of Queen's awesome music tried to integrate their own lack of talent into it. The result is a bastardization of what was once good into the musical equivlanet of a bastardized child who gets sodomized by his closet homo step dad when he comes home drunk on a friday night, and moms working overnight at the hospital. Then they take this horrible blasphemy of what was once incredible music, rip of their own shitty previous album, as well as other equally mediocre bands that put out marginally beter music before them and end up with the most derivitive horrible music imaginable.

What makes it the worst is that they take themselves super seriously when they do this shit. Apparently their last album was "a concept album". From what I've heard of the CD is the concept is their a bunch of fucking douche bags.

Like seriously did they all smoke a bunch of blunts, then each others bones before deciding, "lets write an album about when we were teenagers in the 80's and listened to Queen". And I seriously think someone needs to inform their lead singer that the thing his dad took him too with all his black friends is called a black train not a black parade.

So yeah if MCR would stop inflicting my ears with the auditory equivalent of a fucking dirty greenish brown turd that would be sweet.

And if you care enough to listen to The Black Parade, there are direct rip offs of every Queen guitar line ever, some Taking Back Sunday song, and that stupid song on MCR's last album about how he's not sure if he likes girls and that he's not ok. I would find the clips and cut them out and do all that hard work, but it seems like a big fucking waste of my time considering there is maybe 1 person who will read this.

Reggie Evans

So I had put off writing this one as I was desperatley searching for a picture of him with his dirty fucking beard, but he looked so terrifying that I guess no one wanted to snap a photo of him with it. Anyways this dirty fucking beard of his makes him look like some black as night orc or some shit, which when added on to the fact that he'll grab onto a dudes meat hammer to get post poition is super niggerish.

Heres the fucking dirty violation of the white man previously mentioned as well as some quality Charles Barkley content who would win the loveable oaf nigger award.



The amount of intangible terrifying nigger presence this dude brings to the game can be best measured by the lack of everything else he brings to the game. He's a good rebounder, but, on fantasy sites and player profiles he is listed as having no offensive game.

Without photos of the beard this nominee doesn't hold up very well, but hey you got to watch some Charles.

Gary Sheffield

So we're taking a break from basketball for today just because I was unable to find a picture of Reggie Evans facial abortion he calls a beard, so in the interim I'll take a look at a 22 year veteran of the great American past time.

Gary Sheffield began his terrifying nigger career early. He got off to the prototypical early 70's black up bringing nessecary for a strong terrifying nigger factor. Him and Dwight Gooden (who will have his own nomination in the near future), were often getting into fights as children beating up older kids. In fact the funny thing about the relationship between those two, Dwight is actually Gary's uncle despite only being 3 years his senior. In his early little leauge baseball days he once chased his coach around the park with a bat after getting pulled. For this he was given a one year ban from little leauge.

Gary's career has been plagued with controversey due to his love of playing the race card. If someone would fill him in that he's a terrifying nigger, and not just a regular one maybe he'd shut up a bit. People are rude to his ignorant ass because he's lound intimidating and a douche bag, not because he's black. Any guy of any race that is as meatheaded would get moderatley hated on

For example here are some of his comments on how there are more latin players now because they are "easier to control" he says:

“I called it years ago. What I called is that you’re going to see more black faces, but there ain’t no English going to be coming out. … [It's about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do — being able to control them,”

Maybe Scary Gary should drop the ebonics before he tries to call out people for their lack of masterey of the english language.

Sheffield also looks like he beats his wife more than Billy Dee Williams.



All in all there is really not very many hilarious things about his T.N. factor, but the fact remains he's a straight up terrifying dude, and black through to his soul.

Oak man update

This is an example of what he's doing to his own team mate, and just hilarious in general.



Next nominee later tonight.